Safe Place

I'm a pretty private person, I'm not one to overshare - or share in general. If you've ever seen me in a conversation, I'm usually just observing or adding "yeah" or nodding my head. I like it that way, having all my thoughts and feelings to myself. It feels safe, it's secure. I haven't always been this way. I think somewhere in my growing up, there was this gradual switch from oversharing to holding back. Throughout Covid, I think I also switched from being an extrovert to an introvert. It's actually really funny tho, like the realisation of my need to direct any conversation away from myself didn't really click until I went to my first psychologist appointment. After the introductory hellos and "why are you here" conversation, the awkwardness of talking about myself crept in and I immediately began asking my psychologist questions about her life, asking where she studied and what she loves about psychology. Yeah... I asked my psychologist questions about her life... you can laugh - it's pretty funny.

Call it trust issues, call it pride - whatever it is, I struggle to let people in.

Anyways, that incessant need to hold onto all my thoughts and feelings has crept into my relationship with God. Because I have this stubborn need to keep my life private, I isolate myself from God and therefore struggle to hear his whispers. One day, before I finally made the decision to open up, I read a passage of scripture

Psalm 32

32 Count yourself lucky, how happy you must be— you get a fresh start, your slate’s wiped clean. 2 Count yourself lucky— God holds nothing against you and you’re holding nothing back from him. 3 When I kept it all inside, my bones turned to powder, my words became daylong groans. 4 The pressure never let up; all the juices of my life dried up. 5 Then I let it all out; I said, “I’ll come clean about my failures to God.” Suddenly the pressure was gone— my guilt dissolved, my sin disappeared.

WOW WOW WOW

When I kept it all inside,

my bones turned to powder,

my words became daylong groans.

This verse reminds me of the dry bones scripture (Ezekiel 37)

Without God, we are lifeless, breathless. All the juices of our lives dry up. When I withhold from God, my life isn't fruitful - I'm unable to bear fruit and share it with others.

But as soon as I come clean about my thoughts, feelings, failures and sins to God - SUDDENLY the pressure leaves. God welcomes me with gracious wide arms.

Wow, just a couple of verses before the Psalmist says :

Psalm 31

31 1-2 I run to you, God; I run for dear life. Don’t let me down! Take me seriously this time! Get down on my level and listen, and please—no procrastination! Your granite cave a hiding place, your high cliff nest a place of safety. 3-5 You’re my cave to hide in, my cliff to climb. Be my safe leader, be my true mountain guide. Free me from hidden traps; I want to hide in you. I’ve put my life in your hands. You won’t drop me, you’ll never let me down.

I am reminded time and time again, that if I can trust anyone if I can run to anyone, it's God.

He will never fail me. He is the ultimate safe place. He'll never make you feel silly for sharing, he'll never shame you or guilt-trip you. I thought it felt safe to keep my feelings to myself, that it was secure. But that only leads to feeling lifeless and adds so much more pressure. True safety is found in the arms of a loving father. My prayer for you - and for me, is that we choose to find our safe place in God because he will never drop you and he'll never let you down.

I hope you leave here feeling, challenged, inspired and loved.

Please leave any comments about topics you'd love to hear from me.