Failure

Hi! Can I be honest for a second - I've been wanting to write a blog post for a while now and every time I start writing it just doesn't feel authentic or important, so I asked myself whats happening and God responded with this "how can you share from me if you haven't been spending time with me". I went through my notebooks in search to share something but there was nothing new since February. I thought I could get away with sharing whispers and moments from God without even actually having them. Yep, I don't know about you but these last few weeks I've been so distant from God. Like church has started, we're back at kids church and youth and at the same time I feel so distant, I forgot about this - this trap of being so focused on the serving and forgetting about your relationship with God. This was all too familiar before lockdown - the hamster wheel. Last week at kids church I shared a message about Peter Walking on water and one of my points was Focus.

Where is your focus? Peter saw the wind and the waves and he became afraid. His focus moved from Jesus and onto his fear. Where is your focus? When we focus too much on the things around us it becomes bigger. But when we choose to focus on Jesus we see that he is bigger and stronger than any wind or wave.

As I spoke I realized that my focus was on anything but Jesus, I think fear and failure are some of the biggest distractions that have been creeping up on me these past few weeks. I failed my driving test last month and since then my life kinda took a pause. Now I know failing your driving test is supernormal and so many people fail the first time, but this fail felt like a knock on my confidence in life in general, I remember waking up thinking about it, going to bed thinking about it, replaying my mistakes, feeling defeated, only telling my friends about it like weeks later.

I was embarrassed and felt like the biggest failure, that failure infiltrated into my relationship with God and I judged myself everyday for not being able to complete a simple task, ( editors note: the song "I am Loved ' By Maverick City is playing in the background and as I wrote this down the words You're not embarrassed, you're not ashamed You stand in wonder of what you've made started playing. *Quick cry break*) adulting seemed impossible and because of that failure, I guess I put my guard up to avoid the reality of my disappointment. My heart was hard and when your heart is hard, your sensitivity to the spirit leaves and that's been me for the last month. Fun fact, this is the first time in a month that I've been honest with myself about the effect that had on me. So here's a pro-tip, ask yourself how youre doing and then ask yourself, how am I REALLY doing? (lol, my connect group will get that reference)

Anyway, addressing your wounds are so important because if a wound infection is not quickly and successfully treated, it may spread. Whatever your wound is, failure, fear, embarrassment, friendships etc take it to Jesus and allow Him to heal it.

Thank you so much for listening to my heart, I hope you leave feeling challenged +inspired

Philippians 4:6

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the centre of your life.