Crumbs

I think I've forgotten how much I need you. I got comfortable doing this by myself, holding onto the crumbs and thinking I could continue without getting hungry.

You are the bread of life.

I wrote down this conversation I had with God the other day. I'm not sure how I got the imagery of crumbs but I remember realizing that my spiritual life lately has just been crumbs.

After getting that word "crumbs" I didn't think much of it and kinda forgot about but it was resurfaced when Ben recently lent me a book called "Without Rival" by Lisa Bevere and in Chapter 2 it's about "Our Unrivaled God" and it was in reading this that the previous whisper from God made sense. I love that the Holy Spirit animates what Gods word outlines. So if you're ever wondering whether it was the holy spirit speaking or just you - check scripture and if it lines up, it's the holy spirit.

I admit I once lived by rumours of you;

now I have it all firsthand—from my own eyes and ears!

I’m sorry—forgive me. I’ll never do that again, I promise!

I’ll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumour.”

Job 42:5

The book went on to say :

This revelation of God awakened a hunger for more in Job. Far too many of us are satisfied with a revelation of God that best described as crusts and crumbs. We are content to listen to sermons, tune in to podcasts, Instagram posts and retweet the leftovers of another persons banquet. There is nothing wrong with any of these, but in comparison to the feast God has for you, they are but crusts and crumbs. The truth is that God wants you to feed on his faithfulness.

WOW! Many of us live our spiritual lives through the crumbs of other peoples' experiences, testimonies and encouragements, and we're getting by through resources instead of going straight to the source. No wonder we're left feeling unsatisfied because we're content with the crumbs! It all makes sense, no wonder I'm not sustained, no wonder I'm burnt out. Today I want to encourage you that when you seek God, His will for you is to be satisfied.

It's a journey tho, and it fluctuates so much for me but I realized that your bounce-back time needs to be shorter. You fall and instead of sitting in that fall, you get back up and pursue God. You make a mistake and instead of sitting in that shame, you get back up and pursue God. I'm reminded of David in the bible, he made countless mistakes from getting a married woman pregnant, murdering, his disobedience and so much more, YET God calls him and he is known as a man after Gods own heart! How beautiful. I want to be known as a woman after Gods own heart, not after the crumbs of other peoples experiences.

So today, I had worship in my bedroom, I sang my heart out, I cried my eyes out and I surrendered my heart to Jesus because how can I receive all that God has for me if im just giving him my crumbs. Today I decided to give God all of me, my failures, my unruly thoughts my dreams, my fears, my doubts, my shortcomings, my heartache, my dispair, my relationship, my future. I don't wanna continue living by rumours of God, I want it firsthand from my own eyes and ears! Let's stop treating Gods word like broken telephone by getting the fragments of other peoples words, lets call up God directly and get it straight from the source.

Thank you for reading my thoughts and my heart, I pray and encourage you to start pursuing God firsthand. I pray that you begin to see him through your own eyes.

You are loved, valued and important.