Control

Anxiety and control, two sides of the same coin that lack the power in allowing us to live a full and flourishing life (Alabaster Co, Christian Guided Meditation and Prayer)

Control tricks us into thinking that our own efforts, our own strength and our own power will ease our anxiety. Unfortunately, we quickly find that no matter how much preparation, positive thoughts and podcasts we listen to, life has this funny way of turning everything upside down. And our first response is control.

If I control my thoughts, the people around me, my calendar or even Gods responses then everything will work out, right? Wrong.

I'm the biggest example of this, for the last couple of months my life has been really good, I got a job for a bit, started going to therapy, I modelled around, earned some money, uni marks were good, I got a partial bursary and my skin cleared up. On the outside, I was thriving, but inside of me I was completely, and still am currently spiritually starving. As a write this (after not writing for months) I'm still completely far from God, emotionally detached and doing things my own way. I haven't felt this far from God in years. For the past few months, I haven't been able to pray. I LOVED praying, I used to chat to God all the time but for the last couple of weeks, my prayers started to look like this: 'God... I don't know" and it would end right there. Every. Single. Time.

It's like I had "writer's block" with God, forgetting that he, ultimately writes my story.

So I tried to rationalize and figure out why exactly my relationship with God was so dead, I began to pinpoint and justify why I haven't reached out and to this day I still don't have a specific moment, I do, however, have a specific mindset that played the number one role in this distance from God. Control. When my life started picking up and getting better, I stopped needing God, when I started going to therapy, I avoided talking to God because my feelings were too big and I knew that if I confronted and surrendered them to God, that they would feel too real. But as my close friend Autumn so beautifully pointed out to me, " you can't do therapy without Jesus" Words that hold so much truth.

Ultimately, you can't do anything without Jesus. And I will repeat those words until they become embedded into my heart, until I'm sick of hearing it, until I begin to live it out, until it jumps from the pages on my book and into the patterns of my life.

YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT JESUS.

Things are just better God's way.

University is better when you invite God into it

Family is better when you invite God into it

Friendships are better when you invite God into it

Mental health is better when you invite God into it

Relationships are better when you invite God into it

Life is better with Jesus.

So wherever you find yourself right now, I wanna encourage you and myself, to invite God into it.

When I thought I lost me

You knew where I left me

You reintroduced me to Your love

You picked up all my pieces

Put me back together

You are the defender of my heart

(Defender)