come as you are

I’ve been wrestling and tugging with this idea of finding someone as they are and not rushing in to fix them.

Here’s what I find to be quite prevalent and true: we meet someone, get to know each other and, whether automatically or over time, they begin to share their hearts, minds, experiences or hurts. And as we sit and listen, our hearts begin to tug with sympathy or empathy and, before we know it, we begin to run in and ‘fix’ them - with advice, with wisdom, maybe even something valuable.

I have seen many instances of this exact imagery. Almost as soon as the ‘advice giver’ (most of the time with good intentions) begins to share their wisdom, the shoulders of the receiver begin to tense, their eyes shoot down and they almost begin to shut down.

I find that we are so quick to try and jump in and expect people to be at the finish line, instead of accepting them exactly as they are. Now, of course, there’s a time and place to call people higher and challenge behaviours or mindsets. But I think we often either throw away the whole person or try to fix them by trying to hurry up their healing.

Let’s have a look at Zacchaeus’ story, which I believe truly paints a picture of this being done well:

Luke 19:1–10

Jesus and Zacchaeus

Jesus entered Jericho and made his way through the town. There was a man there named Zacchaeus. He was the chief tax collector in the region, and he had become very rich. He tried to get a look at Jesus, but he was too short to see over the crowd. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree beside the road, for Jesus was going to pass that way.

When Jesus came by, he looked up at Zacchaeus and called him by name. “Zacchaeus!” he said. “Quick, come down! I must be a guest in your home today.”

Zacchaeus quickly climbed down and took Jesus to his house in great excitement and joy. But the people were displeased. “He has gone to be the guest of a notorious sinner,” they grumbled.

Meanwhile, Zacchaeus stood before the Lord and said, “I will give half my wealth to the poor, Lord, and if I have cheated people on their taxes, I will give them back four times as much!”

Jesus responded, “Salvation has come to this home today, for this man has shown himself to be a true son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost.”

I love this.

Jesus meets this notorious, sinful man and asks to be a guest in his home. He didn’t give Zacchaeus the three steps to righteous living or shove advice down his throat. He simply invited himself into Zacchaeus’ life and, because of the character of Jesus, this man was changed.

Now, this is not an excuse to encourage or enable bad behaviour - especially towards the people who have impact and influence in your lives. If you don’t let people experience the consequences of their actions towards you, you will remain a safe space for their worst behaviour. - Dr Caroline Leaf.

So don’t hear what I’m not saying - there’s a time and a place to call people out.

But in that same breath, what would our community look like if we accepted people exactly as they are, without trying to immediately change them?

So here’s a challenge: the next time someone opens up their heart to you or shares something they are struggling with, just listen.

Don’t rush in to fix them.

I would love to hear your thoughts on what I have just shared, whether you agree or disagree. Let’s chat!