What Four Months of Marriage has taught me:

It's only been four months of marriage, but what a beautiful, stretching, refining season it has already been.

Ben and I have learnt so much, not just about marriage, but about God. In many ways, the two have been impossible to separate. Marriage has revealed the heart of God to me in ways I never expected, while simultaneously revealing so much of my own heart.

I know four months doesn't make me an expert by any means. If anything, it reminds me just how much I still have to learn. But I wanted to share a few lessons that have already shaped me.

1. Marriage is one of God's greatest tools for sanctification

Marriage has a beautiful way of lovingly exposing who you are while shaping you into who Christ is calling you to become.

Marriage is a picture of Christ and His Church. I never truly understood this imagery until I got married. The way Jesus pursued His Church, called out sin, extended grace over and over again, and continually called the church higher - that is a picture of marriage.

It has been one of the greatest mirrors I've ever looked into. The things I thought I had already dealt with - selfishness, pride, impatience and self-righteousness have all found their way to the surface. Yet, in the same breath, the amount of grace I have received from my husband has been deeply healing.

Sanctification isn't always easy, but it is always loving. I’ve found that God uses our spouses to reveal our blind spots and gently call us towards becoming more like Jesus.

2. Marriage doesn't magically make relationship problems disappear

One of the quickest lessons I learnt was that marriage often reflects what you consistently invested in while dating.

Marriage isn't a blank canvas you suddenly step into after saying "I do." In many ways, it's simply the continuation of the picture you've already been painting.

The habits you formed, the way you handled conflict, the words you spoke over one another, the rhythms you built.

Those things don't suddenly disappear because you signed a marriage certificate.

To those who are dating, don't waste this season. Pay attention to your habits now. Learn to communicate well now. Speak life over one another now. Build healthy rhythms now.

Marriage doesn't erase unhealthy patterns; it often magnifies them.

3. Marriage is meant to be built with God, not just around God

There's a significant difference between being a Christian couple and being a Christ-centred couple.

A Christian couple can attend church together, know Scripture and call themselves “believers.”But a Christ-centred marriage invites Jesus into the everyday moments. They make their home an altar.

The fruit of your marriage will eventually reveal what it's built upon.

To every single or dating woman reading this, I lovingly want to encourage you: don't simply choose a Christian man, choose a man of God.

Knowing a few Bible verses, attending church and having Scripture in an Instagram bio isn't the same as having a life fully surrendered to Jesus. God wants more for you.

Because, the difficult seasons will come.

Disagreements will come.

Unexpected challenges will come.

And in those moments, you need someone who knows how to fight spiritual battles.

Shortly after our honeymoon, I went back to work and found myself overwhelmed with anxiety. Not the kind that simply came and went, I felt consumed by it. I went to sleep anxious and woke up anxious. It truly crippled me for weeks.

Watching Ben respond during that season showed me what it means to be led by a man of God.

He prayed over me over and over again, He prayed in tongues when he ran out of words.

He declared God's Word over me.

He reminded me of truth when my emotions couldn't.

He stood in the gap and interceded on my behalf.

He didn't try to simply "help” me; he fought for me spiritually.

4. No two marriages look the same

Around the time Ben and I got married, so many other couples were also stepping into marriage. It was such a beautiful season to witness.

But it also presented countless opportunities for comparison.

Comparison is one of the enemy's easiest strategies because it quietly steals gratitude while convincing us we're missing out.

Yet God has never been in the business of writing duplicate stories.

Every covenant tells a different story of God's faithfulness.

Different timelines.

Different challenges.

Different victories.

Different callings.

Who are we to tear a chapter from someone else's story and try to force it into our own?

Our marriages all have different purposes because our mission fields are different.

The way our marriage will minister to others is different from the way another marriage will minister.

The way God will use our marriage to reflect His glory won't look identical to the way He uses someone else's, and that's exactly how He intended it.

Four months in, I still feel like we're only scratching the surface of what marriage has to teach us.

More than anything, marriage has made me fall even more in love with Jesus.

And if that's what the first four months have looked like, I can't wait to see what He's still going to do.